Whether you're preparing for a transition from active duty or actively navigating another life transition, expectations shape much of our experience.

I'm not suggesting we lower our expectations. Expectations help us set goals, pursue excellence, and create a vision for the future.

The problem isn't expectations themselves. It's our attachment to a particular outcome.

And that's where I get stuck more often than I'd like to admit.

Can you relate?

You expected to land a certain job. You expected accountability. You expected strong leadership. You expected innovation. You expected actions to match words. Maybe you expected to be further along by now.

When reality doesn't align with expectations, it's easy to become frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, or even angry. That's the human experience.

But here's the hard truth: Reality gets a vote.

The more we cling to a specific outcome, the harder it becomes to see what is actually happening and decide how to move forward.

[FORGET PERMISSION: How to Take the Next Step]

Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote, "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."

That doesn't mean pretending everything is OK when it clearly isn't, nor does it mean abandoning your standards. It simply means accepting that while we control our actions, effort, and attitude, we do not control every outcome.

The goal isn't to care less. The goal is to hold our expectations more loosely than our values. In other words, stay attached to the mission and loosen your attachment to the outcome.

When expectations collide with reality, we always have a choice: We can remain stuck in frustration over what should have happened, or we can pay attention to what is happening and decide what comes next.

That's not settling. That's adaptation. And adaptation is one of the most important skills in leadership, transition, and life.