Did you know you don’t need to be a surviving spouse to fulfill the responsibilities of a surviving spouse liaison (SSL)? Any member of your chapter — a surviving spouse, a retired, former, or active duty servicemember, or a military spouse — can be the SSL. Key attributes include a sincere desire to be helpful as well as an ability to recognize the impact of what the position entails.

The SSL should have the temperament to keep his or her emotions in check and be able to overcome administrative obstacles. While leadership positions in chapters often change on an annual or biennial basis, due to the development of relationships and the evolving nature of military benefits, a longer tenure can be beneficial for the SSL. (I am starting my seventh year and still learning.)

[RELATED: More Surviving Spouse Resources From MOAA]

Here are some additional tips:

Exercise active listening techniques. When asking questions, keep them pertinent and relative. Try to stay on point and ask only questions that need answers. You do not want to probe, but you still need information to prevent being surprised later.

Use checklists. Several checklists are available to assist with your role. Find one with which you are comfortable, and use it consistently. Record the answers and do not rely on memory, because the consequences of forgetting something are too great. Suspense actions that you need to follow up on, and do not miss deadlines. MOAA’s Preparing for the Loss of a Military Spouse publication is a valuable resource.

[RELATED: More Survivor Publications From MOAA]

Know the people who have authority. This can include casualty assistance officers (CAOs), VA veterans service officers, Honor Guard OICs/NCOICs, grief counselors, and Social Security office staff. Visit these individuals, and get to know them on a personable level.

Offer your assistance. When notified of a death, send a sympathy card offering condolences on behalf of the chapter, explain your position as the SSL, and offer to help. If requested, develop an assistance plan, taking into consideration the survivor’s schedule, and make appointments and escort the survivor to the various agencies. For example, when visiting the CAO, it is helpful to have an extra set of ears taking notes, recording suspenses, and ensuring the CAO does not overlook any details. Try to avoid inserting yourself where you are not wanted. Some members have adult children who know everything and really do not want any help. That is OK.

Seek education opportunities. I have treated being the SSL like any other credentialed vocation. It requires continuing education, such as regional workshops, virtual meetings and training sessions, and veterans’ resources with information relevant to surviving spouses. I am an active participant on our chapter executive committee. I make short presentations at our chapter meetings where I get to engage our members to emphasize that now is the time to prepare to be a surviving spouse. Once a year, I provide a program at a chapter meeting on a surviving spouse topic.

Most important, remember that the SSL is a meaningful and rewarding position. You are providing a valuable service that is not offered anywhere else.