(This article by David Tobenkin, the first in a two-part series, originally appeared in the October 2026 issue of Military Officer magazine.)

Military families facing divorce share many of the challenges that civilian families do, but they also experience unique issues that, without appropriate attention, can lead to permanent and costly mistakes.

This first article of a two-part series will cover how to find a qualified attorney and the geographic factors involved in resolving disputes.

This story is for informational purposes only. MOAA recommends you consult a qualified family law attorney who is knowledgeable in military divorce matters.

Finding a Qualified Attorney

It is important to find an attorney who is licensed in the state with jurisdiction over the divorce, has expertise in family law, has experience in taking on divorce cases within the military community, and can access qualified experts, according to Michael Kevin Murphy, a former Army officer, a MOAA member, and an attorney at his namesake Northern Virginia law firm. The practice is restricted to family law, and Murphy has represented active duty and retired servicemembers as well as military spouses for many years.

While state court judges issue the orders that bind financial and child custody outcomes for divorcing spouses, they often accept with little scrutiny what the divorcing parties file in court after reaching a legal settlement.

That’s the case even if it is plainly inequitable to one of the spouses or contains errors concerning military or other benefits, which might lead to the inability to enforce those separation agreements and orders.

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This is also why hiring lawyers with military-specific competence to draft or review legal documents is essential, said Col. Mark Sullivan, USAR (Ret), a Life member of MOAA and the principal at Raleigh, N.C.-based Sullivan & Hilscher Family Law.

“Do not — I repeat, do not — try to do a military divorce without a qualified lawyer,” said Sullivan, who previously served as a judge advocate general. “That’s not an advertisement for the full employment bill for lawyers; that’s protecting the servicemember. It’s as simple as that.”

When dividing certain types of assets governed by federal law in a divorce proceeding, like military pensions and associated survivor benefits, state courts may be limited in what they can do, Murphy said.

“Federal statutes, for example, only allow state courts to divide a military retiree’s disposable retired pay, not gross retired pay. So if either a court tries to divide gross retired pay after litigation or an unwitting attorney tries to do that in drafting separation agreements, it would run afoul of federal law,” Murphy explained. “And you can’t leave anything open, such as by saying: ‘Oh, well, you know, wife gets half the marital share of the spouse’s military retired pay.’

“Instead, if you’re dealing with a percentage of the spouse’s military retired pay, those marital settlement agreements have to say what the exact marital share is — like 30.956%. Get it down to the penny, too, if you like.”

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In other words, counsel must police the legality of draft court orders proposed to the court or separation agreements proposed by other lawyers or spouses. For example, state courts’ orders regarding military pensions and survivor benefits must strictly comply with federal law; otherwise, the Defense Finance and Accounting Service, which provides military payment services, will disregard the orders, Murphy said.

“Most people don’t know this, but mostly it’s the attorneys who are required to draft these orders for judges to sign. And even while most family law attorneys don’t have the specialized knowledge about how to draft them, it would be rare for a state court judge to be both knowledgeable and attentive enough to send those orders back to the attorneys to be redrafted,” Murphy explained.

Location, Location, Location

The geographic area in which the divorcing spouses live is also a critical consideration. Military families are often highly mobile, and servicemembers and spouses can end up in different states.

There is generally one location in which a servicemember and their spouse will have jurisdiction: the legal residence state, or domicile, of the servicemember. In some states, though, a servicemember who resides there pursuant to military orders for a certain minimum period (at least six months in Virginia, for example) is deemed to be a resident of that state for all purposes of a divorce there.

If spouses live in different states, and if both states’ courts can exercise jurisdiction, the state where a divorce petition is first filed and served may take precedence in jurisdiction for the divorce.

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State law can also differ on key divorce points, meaning it could be advantageous for a spouse to establish residency in a particular state before a subsequent divorce proceeding, said Sullivan.

For example, courts in several western states can require the servicemember to begin making pension payments to the former spouse at the 20- year mark for military service, even if the member is not yet receiving retired pay, he noted. A few other states limit or bar the division of military pensions under certain circumstances.

“So let’s say I don’t want my property divided [and] I want to keep my entire pension, Sullivan said. “The answer? Get divorced — if you can establish domicile — in Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico does not divide military pensions.

“Or I only have 15 years in, and I want to keep my pension. Where can I get divorced if I can establish domicile? The answer: two places, Arkansas and Indiana,” Sullivan added. “Both have a vesting rule. The pension must be vested at the time of divorce for it to be divisible. At 15 years, you’re not vested for anything, so get divorced there.”

Notably, divorce proceedings can occur while the servicemember is deployed. However, the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, a federal statute, safeguards active duty servicemembers from being held in default in a civil lawsuit, such as a divorce case, if they can’t respond because of military duty. Servicemembers served with lawsuits may seek a stay — or a pause — to give them more time to respond.

When to Consult a Mediator

Divorcing spouses are likely to continue to be in each other’s lives, particularly if they share children, Sullivan noted.

“Clients will say: ‘Mark, I was married to this woman for 25 years; I’m not going to nickel-and-dime her. We need to speak with each other, and we need to dance at our children’s weddings,’” Sullivan said.

With that said, compromises in different areas can result in a more mutually beneficial outcome. But sometimes a third party is necessary. Mediation or arbitration by a competent professional can help reduce costs by presenting a baseline of reasonable action, Sullivan said.

“Mediation means hiring a neutral [party], someone who can go from your room to the other side’s room with offers and counteroffers. This could take a half a day, and it might take a full day, but it might be a better way of resolving the case if it results in an out-of-court settlement,” he explained.

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Using an arbitrator, who is empowered to make binding decisions after hearing both parties’ positions, is also an option, he added.

For his part, Murphy prefers each spouse starts by consulting a highly qualified attorney focused on that spouse’s rights and interests before using a mediator or arbitrator, partly because attorneys can try to settle a case without mediation.

That attorney is also useful for vetting potential mediators to ensure the chosen individual is competent, he added.

But if a settlement isn’t reached and the divorcing parties go to court, state and federal laws will guide the court in dividing marital assets between the parties, in one or another legally correct way that should be followed, not fought, Murphy said.

David Tobenkin is a writer in Maryland.