Rejection hurts — whether it’s a no to a promposal or a no to your marriage proposal at Fenway Park, broadcast on the Jumbotron for fans to watch (yes, this did happen — the man proposing apparently forgot the one tenet of broadcasting your proposal: Make sure she’s going to say yes).

For high school seniors, spring can bring another type of rejection, when universities send out admissions decisions to students. Unfortunately, some of the notices, usually from the student’s top choice, politely inform the student their application was not accepted.

This rejection can be hard to accept, and students deal with it in different ways. One young lady took her rejection letter, cut out the phrases dealing with the declination (e.g., “after careful consideration,” “sorry not to have better news,” etcetera) and made the clippings into a painting. She found it therapeutic. Her mom found it brilliant and decided to tweet it, and it was retweeted more than 52,000 times.

For many though, after having spent hours on essays, applications, and alumni interviews, the rejection becomes personal. And it doesn’t matter that the school was a reach for 99 percent of all applicants, or that many excellent applications are denied — reading the declination letter from one’s dream school still is painful.

MilSpouse Kerri Beckert, owner of Anchor Collegiate, understands this pain because she counsels students in their college admission process. As Beckert states: “Rejection hurts. I can give the student the whole ‘it’s demographics’ speech. I can tell them the reason was mathematical, or scientific, or not personal. But in all honesty, that doesn’t take the sting out of the rejection.”

Her advice to students for dealing with this rejection is this:

First, realize that the sting is temporary. The second part is important: “As Crosby, Stills, and Nash sang, ‘If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.’ In other words, give your NEW first choice your full heart. Engage in the campus, challenge yourself academically, take a leap of faith into something new. By putting your whole self into loving the college that LOVES you, a student can move on from the initial sting of that rejection.”

Students should look to the choices that replied yes, while keeping in mind the prolonged focus on their No. 1 choice might have diluted their vision of those schools. Now is the time to go visit the school (possibly for the second time), look deeper at the course offerings, make appointments, and talk with faculty in their choice(s) of major, and buy a sweatshirt!

For parents, dealing with your child’s rejection is difficult. Even though parents might be a little happy that the alternative choices are more affordable than the dream school, parents do need to empathize. Priscilla Sands, the head of school at Marlborough School in Los Angeles, explains parents “need to understand the pain, but also not rob their child of an opportunity to use it as a growth experience.”

From this rejection, children will start to learn how to deal with life’s rejection and disappointment, something they are sure to experience again — from not getting the internships they want to not getting the jobs and promotions they think they deserve.

Some guidance Sands offers to parents:

• Try not to use the word rejection, which sounds personal, and use 'not the right fit' instead.
• Acknowledge their disappointment. Don't say: 'It's OK. Things will get better,' which can minimize their feelings. Let them have the moment.
• Listen to their rants and keep quiet. In that emotional time, everything you say is going to be rejected anyway.
• When they are ready to talk about next steps, shift expectation. Focus on where they did get in and revisit the reasons they decided to apply there in the first place, which may rekindle their enthusiasm and put them in control again.
• Help them compare financial aid packages and visit campuses again.
• Let them decide among the remaining choices.

Also, parents can let their children know they are in good company. Neither Warren Buffet, Meredith Viera, Ted Turner, nor Tom Brokaw got into their first choice institutions. Yet, their second or third choices opened up new opportunities and experiences that might not have happened at their first choice of school. So, while this rejection may seem like a setback, it also can mean a new and exciting experience.

One last note on rejection: If by chance the student only applied to the school that rejected them, that wasn’t a good idea. However, well-known schools still are accepting applications. To see a list, click here.

Most colleges will have an admitted students’ day or weekend, and these events are worth attending for both parents and students. For students, they can learn more about areas of study, sit in on a class, check out at the dorms, become familiar with the campus layout, and possibly even meet their future roommate.

Parents, on the other hand, can gain a comfort level for where their child will be spending the next several years. One piece of advice for parents at these events: Let the student do things on their own (even encourage it), from wandering the campus to hanging out with other admitted students.

In sum, the groundwork has been laid for the students’ next step in life. The college won’t define the student — students have to do that. For an interesting read on this topic from a high school senior’s perspective, visit Your College Decision Doesn’t Define You at the online magazine Powered By Girl.