Dealing with deployments is never easy, but there are a number of tactics that can help you cope during this time.

If there is one thing that you can count on as a military spouse, it is that you will one day be separated from your significant other. Rare is the relationship that hasn’t had to deal with a TDY here, a school there, or a world conflict somewhere. Unlike permanent change of station (PCS) moves, separations and deployments don’t get any easier with experience, either. The trials and tribulations of such times often are further complicated by the tender psyches of children who don’t always understand why mom or dad is gone … again.

The blunt truth of the matter is simple: You can choose to be miserable about it or you can cope with it. If you wisely choose the latter, these five strategies can help you make your next goodbye less stressful.

1. Accept it. Denial is a comfortable thing. It is not, however, an effective tool for dealing with reality. No matter how much you dread the imminent departure, it’s going to happen at some point. The sooner you accept it, the healthier for you, your spouse, and your family.

2. Plan for it. Assume that something will go wrong before the sun sets on the day your spouse leaves. The car will break down. The washing machine will overflow. Your house will immediately become infested with termites. You name the crisis, it will happen. Why? No one knows. It just works out this way.

There is nothing you can do to prevent these issues, but you can plan for the unexpected by ensuring that your affairs are in order. For example, have your spouse update his power-of-attorney. The law of probability suggests that you’ll need it when he’s gone. It also helps to have a system in place for managing your joint finances while you’re apart.

Finally, give your home an inspection prior to the big farewell, to see if anything is on the verge of falling apart. If so, try to take care of it before you’re stuck handling the task alone.

3. Take action. Make no bones about it. You owe it to yourself, your spouse, and your kids to make the best of the situation. Keeping everyone busy is always a good bet. Try to maintain as normal a routine as possible for everyone’s sense of security, but also use this time to do something special.

Continue your education, enroll your children in extracurricular activities, plan day trips to learn about local points of interest, or volunteer in your community. You could become a source of strength for other spouses through your unit’s family support group or through your own circle of friends — you’ll find that doing so strengthens your own foundation as well.

In addition to your informal support structure, you have one compliments of Uncle Sam. An online visit to DoD’s Military Homefront Web site (www.deploymentconnections.dod.mil) will link easily you to a number of useful sites to include Army Community Service’s Deployment Readiness Guide, the Air Force Crossroad’s Pre-Deployment Guide, and others for information about pre-deployment briefings for Marine Corps and Navy families.

Finally, reach out to your loved one as often as you possibly can. E-mail messages, write letters, and send photos and care packages. If you have children, involve them in the process in a big way. A picture drawn by caring little hands can mean the world to a separated parent. Make a real effort to keep things light. Your positive slant just might give your spouse the warm-fuzzy feeling he or she needs to know that you are doing fine.

No matter how well you plan for it or how well you deal with it, there will be low moments. That’s OK. Remember that you have an existing support network in place. Use it. If you find that those low moments last for days, then have the personal courage to seek professional assistance.

4. Have a realistic homecoming. Despite what the rose-colored glasses may suggest, the world will not suddenly be perfect once your loved one returns. Indeed, there could be bumpy roads ahead as your family gets used to being around each other again. Although you didn’t think it would, life continued despite the miles in between. Closing that distance is not always as easy as it may seem.

Be patient with yourself and your spouse. Don’t expect an immediate return to the way things used to be. In fact, things might never be the same again. Let life happen in its own time without forcing the issues all at once. You’ll find that patience, love, and clear communications will go a long way to make everyone feel right at home in no time.

5. Know that it could happen again. For better or worse, you’re married to someone whose life is often out of his or her control. Separations and deployments are something you might have to deal with over and over. Although it’s challenging, keeping a sense of humor will help.

Janet Farley is author of Jobs and the Military Spouse (Impact Publications, 2004) and The Military-to-Civilian Career Transition Guide (Jist, 2004). She also writes a career advice column for the Stars and Stripes newspapers.