> Rule 2: Set your own conditions of retirement, and live with them.

> Rule 3: You’ll learn more your first year of civilian life than you did your last 10 in the military.

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What to do during your rookie year as a civilian


When I was getting ready to get married back in 1982, I noticed my bride-to-be and I spent far more time preparing for the wedding than we did for the marriage. The wedding and reception lasted about six hours. The marriage, now at 21 years and counting, has lasted quite a bit longer. 

As officers, we make a similar mistake when preparing for retirement. We spent lots of time getting our people ready for that first civilian job, but then we come up short on what they should expect—and what they should do—that first year out.

I received a lot of positive feedback on my previous article “Shape, Prepare, Respond,” which appeared in the May 2003 issue of Today’s Officer, and I’ve spoken to many people about their experiences, particularly during their rookie year as a civilian. Those conversations, together with my experience, inspired three fundamental tenets regarding separating from the military. I call them Cumberland’s Three Rules of Military Retirement. They are:

1: The further you went into the military, the further you have to get out.

2: Set your own conditions of retirement, and live with them.

3: You’ll learn more your first year of civilian life than you did your last 10 in the military.

Have a pen and paper ready as you go through the rules, and be ready for an exercise or two. Now, let’s get started.

Rule 1: The further you went into the military, the further you have to get out.

This rule has nothing to do with rank, length of service, or military specialty. Is has to do with you. Specifically, it has to do with how much you loved, embodied, represented, internalized, defended, and personalized your role in the armed forces. This is a deeply personal area, and one that requires a bit of reflection.

If you took exceptionally deep pride in your service, if you spoke frequently and passionately about your career, if you sought military jobs that required example setting, role-modeling, and idealism, then you probably went far, far into the military. Although this is good and noble, it means you have a bit further to travel to make it completely out of the military. 

On the other hand, if you took the military more in stride and were a total professional but didn’t make the same emotional investment in your service, you might find you have a shorter distance to travel before you feel like you’re truly out.

I’ve spoken to colleagues about this rule, and I feel it’s important to emphasize this is not about better or worse, who’s patriotic, or who was truly dedicated to the mission. We’ve all known windbags who made careers talking about the flag and the mission, but we wouldn’t trust them under fire. Likewise, we’ve all known cool, reserved, professional people who might not play the National Anthem on their wristwatch every hour, but who get the job done for their country year in and year out. The point of this exercise is not to ascertain where they are. It’s to determine where you are.

You are going to miss life in uniform. Admit it. During your first year out, pay attention to your progress on this vital journey, and try this exercise.

Exercise 1: Chart your progress

Right now, or on your retirement date, draw a circle. Put a dot in the middle, representing you in the military. The first of each month, plot how far you’ve progressed toward getting out of the circle. By the end of your first year, you really should feel out. Faster is okay, and slower is okay, but pay attention to this process. It will help you make a much healthier transition.

Rule 2: Set your own conditions of retirement, and live with them.

Picture a train. Three passengers are in civilian clothes. One, a retired Army colonel, is stewing in bitterness over not making flag. The next is a retired Navy master chief who got burned by an overly zealous commander, and his career ended prematurely and unfairly. He replays the scenario in his mind and speaks of it often when he sees old colleagues. The third is a retired Air Force major with prior enlisted time who loved the service and retired at 20 years and a day. She looks back fondly on her active duty and takes every opportunity to tell young people about the Air Force.

What have all these people done? They have established their own personal conditions of retirement. Let me explain.

Every retiree has a code of some type on their DD214, saying they served honorably, and, in the small print, that they could be recalled for 10 years. But there’s something much more important than that: The conditions of retirement you set, which will carry you through your first year out and beyond.

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