Joe was just two months shy of 40 when he retired from the Army after 19 years of service as a truck mechanic. Though proud of his military accomplishments, he looked forward to civilian life, especially starting his own auto repair business and spending more time with his wife and two young daughters. 
Just three weeks after being discharged, Joe received some distressing news. His 68-year-old father had fallen and broken his hip during a dance at the local senior center. The hospital case manager told Joe the hip repair surgery had been a success, but his dad would require at least a month of physical therapy followed by lengthy post care. Would Joe be able to care for his father at home? If not, the case manager could recommend a couple of good nursing homes.

Joe's head swam. His father, who always had been proud of his self-reliance, now needed help. But Joe felt powerless. He was unsure what to do, whom to turn to, or even what questions to ask. This was a situation the Army had not prepared him for, and he had a feeling it was going to get worse. 

Joe is far from alone. Every year, thousands of Americans find themselves suddenly having to care for aging parents debilitated by broken bones, illness, or the onset of dementia. Very often the debilitation occurs without warning, forcing anxious family members to make life-altering decisions with very little time for thoughtful research.

It doesn't have to be this way, though. While it's difficult to plan completely for eldercare, the situation can be made much easier by discussing options in advance and making important decisions while all parties are calm and competent. 

Let's start by assuming your situation is much like Joe's. Your mother or father breaks their hip or suffers an illness requiring hospitalization, which is followed by weeks or months of convalescence. It's a difficult situation, but most stories have a happy ending, with the parent finally returning home.

In the majority of cases, the primary issue is posthospital therapy or convalescence. The good news is that Medicare pays 100 percent for rehabilitation in a nursing home. The bad news is that it's your responsibility to find the best facility.

Ask the hospital discharge planner for three or four referrals, and then visit each nursing home in person. Don't call first. Dropping by unannounced allows you to witness each nursing home's normal daily operation -- be it good or bad. No matter whether you're looking at short-term rehabilitation or long-term care, there are a number of things you should consider when you meet with the nursing home admissions coordinator.

Here are some questions you should ask during your tour, along with the answers you want to hear.

Q: Do you accept Medicare and Medicaid? 
A: Yes

Q: Do you have a registered nurse on duty all the time? 
A: Yes

Q: Do you use agency personnel? 
A: No

Q: How many residents does each nursing assistant care for per shift? 
A: Eight to 10 during the day shift, 10 to 15 during the evening shift, and 20 during the night shift. 

Q: Can I see the most recent state survey results? 
A: The result should be favorable and readily available.

Q: Who is the medical director, and is there a list of physicians to choose from? 
A: You should have the right to select your own physician.

Q: What is the longevity of your nursing staff? 
A: A quality facility will have many employees who have been there at least three years, while a facility with extremely high turnover should be avoided.

Q: Are there extra charges to use the laundry, TV, and phone? 
A: This may vary according to the facility's policy, so be sure take your parent's needs into account.

Q: Do you have regularly scheduled activities? 
A: You should receive a copy of the monthly activities calendar.

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