>Dining Out
>Let's Party!
>A
Few More
Suggestions
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Forget Me Not |
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Nanette Lavoie-Vaughan, ARNP-C, MSN, and
Donald Vaughan
July 2004
Caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease takes planning and
patience.
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Larry was
enjoying a pleasant dinner out with his 77-year-old father when "the
incident" occurred. Midway through dessert, a toddler started
fussing at the table behind them. Larry's dad, who has mid-stage
Alzheimer's disease, became upset at the child's piercing cries and
before Larry could stop him he suddenly whirled around and yelled,
"Someone shut that kid up!"
Larry felt his
face grow flush with embarrassment as the entire restaurant fell
silent. The child's parents muttered an apology, but Larry could see
the anger and confusion in their eyes. After all, what kind of
cranky geezer would yell at a small child simply for fussing in a
restaurant? Larry quickly finished his pie, took his father by the
arm, and left the restaurant to the cold stares of the other
patrons.
"Dad
doesn't do well in social situations where there's a lot of noise.
It disorients him and then he becomes upset and lashes out," Larry,
a retired Army recruitment officer, later explained. "Usually I can
see this happening and distract Dad by drawing his attention to
something else, but that time he got away from me. In retrospect, I
should have explained to the family about my father's condition, but
I was so embarrassed by his outburst that I just wanted to get out
of there."
Larry's
right—hurt feelings probably could have been prevented if he simply
had taken a moment to explain that his father has a disease that
makes it difficult for him to control his behavior. After all,
Alzheimer's disease is the most common—and well-publicized—form of
dementia in the world, and those who don't have a loved one
afflicted with the disease probably know someone who does.
According
to the Alzheimer's Association, an estimated 4.5 million Americans
are afflicted with Alzheimer's disease, and by 2050 that number is
expected to reach 13.2 million. More than 70 percent of people with
Alzheimer's disease currently live at home, where 75 percent of
their care is provided by family and friends. Those who care for
family members with this progressive and debilitating disease do so
out of heartfelt love, though it's easy for caregivers to become
frustrated and resentful as the job slowly takes over their lives.
"One of my
biggest problems is trying to maintain some semblance of a social
life," notes Larry, who has cared for his dad at home since the
disease's onset four years ago. "My father still wants to go out and
do things, but the Alzheimer's disease makes that very difficult."
It's vital
that family caregivers not become reclusive as they care for
affected loved ones, experts say. For their own physical and mental
well-being, caregivers must maintain an active social life.
Following are some simple tips for enjoying a day out while caring
for someone with Alzheimer's disease.
Dining Out
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When dining out, go early before the hectic dinner crowd arrives.
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Choose restaurants with soft, soothing music and a quiet dining
room. As Larry learned firsthand, loud music or ambient noise can
disorient and upset someone with mid- or late-stage Alzheimer's
disease.
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Find a few special restaurants to visit regularly. Consistency and
familiarity will help make dining out more enjoyable for your loved
one.
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If the restaurant offers a busy buffet, go on off nights and always
accompany your family member to the buffet so he won't get lost or
confused.
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Let your loved one order for him or herself if able, but be ready to
make suggestions from the menu if necessary. One solution is to
order for the entire table. This ensures that your family member is
not put on the spot to remember.
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Avoid introducing new dishes or ethnic foods unless your loved one
specifically requests them. "Mom is very set in her ways when it
comes to her food," observes Louise, a retired Navy communications
specialist who moved in with her Alzheimer's-afflicted mother two
years ago. "She loves traditional American dishes and anything
Italian, but refuses to even try anything else. Needless to say,
this has greatly reduced the number of restaurants we can visit when
we eat out."
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Assist with food set-up such as cutting meat or adding condiments.
An unfamiliar setting combined with preparing food can cause
increased confusion.
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Keep the conversation flowing to avoid distractions.
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If your loved one becomes agitated or upset at something he sees or
hears while dining out, quickly distract him with a question or
comment that draws him to the present. If the problem persists, ask
your server to move you to a quieter part of the restaurant.
Let's Party!
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When entertaining at home, make sure your guests are aware that your
family member has Alzheimer's disease so they won't be startled by
an odd comment or question.
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Provide guests with some appropriate topics of conversation so your
loved one will be included in party chitchat. Reminiscing is always
a good conversation starter.
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Keep gatherings small and informal. Loud, crowded parties can be
disorienting to someone with Alzheimer's disease.
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If you play party games, make sure someone partners with your family
member so he will feel included. Keep the games simple and easy to
follow.
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End the party at a reasonable hour. Fatigue can exacerbate some
Alzheimer's-related personality changes.
A Few More
Suggestions
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Avoid activities with large crowds, high levels of noise, or
multiple stimuli, such as fairs, concerts, and theme parks. Although
fun for you, these activities can be disorienting and frightening to
someone with Alzheimer's disease.
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When out shopping, choose enclosed malls or large stores such as
Target, Kmart or Wal-Mart. Always keep your loved one in sight so he
or she doesn't get lost, and try to involve him or her in the
shopping experience.
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Art, science, and history museums are ideal outings for people with
Alzheimer's disease because they are quiet and geared toward short
attention spans. They also provide a safe environment for your
family member to quietly wander around—a common activity among
people with later-stage Alzheimer's disease.
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Today's rapid-paced, special effects-filled movies might be too
difficult to follow for someone whose short-term memory is impaired
by Alzheimer's disease. This can lead to restlessness and talking,
which could disturb others in the theater. Instead, rent a video for
home viewing—perhaps a fondly remembered movie from your loved one's
childhood. Musicals and comedies are safe options.
"Dad loves
Abbott and Costello comedies," notes Larry. "Whenever I need to get
some work done around the house, I throw an Abbott and Costello
movie in the VCR and dad won't leave the couch. It makes him happy,
keeps him entertained, and provides a little me-time when I need
it."
Larry's got
the right idea. All caregivers, no matter how devoted, need some
downtime now and then. Caregiving can be a 24-hour task and it's
very easy to work yourself to exhaustion, which is unhealthy for
both you and your loved one. Don't hesitate to ask other family
members, a neighbor or a sitter referred by your local Alzheimer's
Association to watch your loved one for a few hours once or twice a
week so you can enjoy dinner or a movie with friends.
"Our local
Alzheimer's Association has been fantastic in that regard," says
Louise. "They have a group of trained volunteers who are happy to
assist harried caregivers when they need a break. I don't know what
I'd do without them. I love my mother with all my heart, but
sometimes I just need a few hours to myself."
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Alzheimer's Resources |
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To learn more
about Alzheimer's disease, tips on care, or resources for
caregivers, contact the following:
Alzheimer's Association, 225 N. Michigan Ave., Suite
1700, Chicago, IL 60611-1676. Tel: (800) 272-3900.
Web site.
Alzheimer's Disease Education and Referral (ADAR)
Center, P.O. Box 8250, Silver Spring, MD 20907-8250. Tel: (800)
438-4380. Web site.
Eldercare Locator.
Tel: (800) 677-1116. Web site.
This service of the Administration on Aging provides information
about and referrals to respite care and other home and community
services offered by State and Area Agencies on Aging.
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10 Warning Signs of Alzheimer's Disease |
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Is the
recent forgetfulness experienced by your aging loved one
a normal part of growing older or the onset of
Alzheimer's disease? Sometimes it's difficult to tell,
so the Alzheimer's Association has compiled a checklist
of common symptoms. If you suspect a family member is
developing Alzheimer's disease, it's important that he
or she see a qualified health care provider immediately.
Although there is no cure for Alzheimer's disease, drugs
are available to slow its progress and retain cognition.
1. Memory loss.
Although it's normal to forget appointments, names, or
telephone numbers, those with Alzheimer's disease and
other forms of dementia forget such things more often
and do not remember them later.
2. Difficulty
performing familiar tasks, such as preparing a meal,
using a household appliance, or participating in a
lifelong hobby.
3. Problem with
language. A person with Alzheimer's disease often
forgets simple words or substitutes unusual words,
making his or her speech difficult to understand. A
toothbrush, for example, might become "that thing for my
mouth."
4. Disorientation to
time and place. A person with Alzheimer's disease could
become lost on his or her own street, forget where he or
she is, and not know how to get back home.
5. Poor or decreased
judgment. This can range from dressing inappropriately
for the weather (a heavy coat in July, for example) to
throwing away large amounts of money on products or
services the person doesn't need.
6. Problems with
abstract thinking, such as balancing a checkbook or
filling out a tax form.
7. Misplacing
things. A person with Alzheimer's disease might place
common objects in unusual places, such as putting the
telephone in the refrigerator.
8. Rapid changes in
mood or behavior.
9. Noticeable
changes in personality.
10. Loss of
initiative. A person with Alzheimer's disease might
become very passive, sitting in front of the television
for hours, sleeping more than usual, or not wanting to
do usual activities. |
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