Military families often spend years as nomads, gathering Italian pottery, Thai candlesticks, and the obligatory cuckoo clock. Then after a long stay in a post-military home, for any number of reasons, it’s time to move to smaller quarters.

• Col. William Henderson lived with his wife, Tatara, in a three-bedroom condo near Fort Bragg, N.C. “We liked our place,” he says. “But gradually the upkeep was too much of a burden.” In October 2004, they moved to a one-bedroom apartment in a Washington, D.C., retirement community.
 
“Military families who have moved a lot may think this is just another move, but it is crossing a threshold. It’s letting go and preparing for a different phase of life,” says Sue Ronnenkamp, author of the guidebook Living Transitions: A Step-by-Step Guide for a Later Life Move.

“Something happens [when people reach] age 50,” observes Dr. David J. Ekerdt, director of the Gerontology Center at the University of Kansas. Ekerdt studies Americans’ decisions about retirement and disposing of possessions. “There’s something about crossing that line. Instead of counting the time since you were born, you start to prioritize about the time that’s left.”

That prioritizing often involves reducing our possessions. Ekerdt points out that though we routinely acquire and dispose of items from cribs to cars, it’s a different matter in later life for a number of not-always-recognized reasons.

Parting is hard to do

“Military people are undoubtedly highly skilled movers,” Ekerdt says. “But passing from the many-possessions life to the fewer-possessions life is very hard for many people.”

It’s easy to dispose of the lumpy old sofa, but there are other things with emotional attachment that are more difficult to part with — certain dishes, seasonal decorations, or the fabric squares for a quilt. If we give away the squares, you see, we’re admitting we never will make that quilt.

“The starting point of the emotional impact,” says Ekerdt, “is ‘Why have we kept this?’ ” While some things are functional, others simply give us pleasure.

Still others represent memories or our sense of who we are. Mom’s turkey roaster recalls years when she was hosting the Thanksgiving dinners. Dad’s woodworking tools represent toys he’s made for the grandkids. When we part with these things, it’s as if we are giving away a part of ourselves.

We also want to “keep faith” with gift-givers by hanging on to the grandchildren’s palm prints in plaster or Nana’s tea set. In addition, many people feel a moral responsibility to their family archives, caring for old photos, medals, diaries, and similar memorabilia. For example, I’m the keeper of my grandfather’s citizenship papers and the tattered scrapbook of a childless aunt and uncle. How could I discard them?

Clearly, tough decisions need to be made. Although downsizing can be difficult, Ekerdt also sees it as leading people to a freer, less encumbered life, which actually can be liberating.

“When all is said and done,” Ekerdt says, “right down the line, all the people I’ve talked to are really happy they were able to complete the process. They end up with a more relaxed environment and, while they miss some things, they are pleased with an easier way of life.”

The Hendersons agree. “We feel very satisfied, having made the move,” says William Henderson. “We feel unburdened now.”

Getting started

Begin early, urges Linda Hetzer, coauthor with Janet Hulstrand of Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home. “When it’s time to do it, it’s almost too late to start, and most people have no clue of the enormity of the project.”

Ronnenkamp chimes in: “It’s never too soon to start preparing for a later-life move. When you can take time, it can be a treasure hunt [of memories] for you to share with friends and family.”

Ronnenkamp also is a proponent of transitioning — a gradual downsizing, like that of Col. Andy Setlow, USAF-Ret., and his wife, Marylin, who moved a mere 18 miles to a retirement community in Huntsville, Ala. “Each time it’s much easier to go to the next step,” Ronnenkamp says. “Most of the decisions have been made.”

Even if you aren’t planning to move for a number of years, plan for your future home. If you are replacing furniture, for instance, consider how it might fit in a smaller dwelling.

You also can begin downsizing right where you are. Ronnenkamp recommends starting in areas of your home you’re not using, such as the guest room, where things are less likely to have personal meanings.

“Start small with things that don’t have an emotional impact,” says Hetzer. “One kitchen drawer is a good thing to go through.”

The next thing you know, you’ve gathered those 1,000 loose rubber bands into a box for the paper carrier, and you have a tidy drawer. Clear off a shelf next, and soon you’ll find yourself building momentum.

An excellent tactic is to give to-be-inherited items when you still can see people enjoy them. Gloria Givens, a Navy veteran’s widow living in Orangevale, Calif., recently gave her hutch to one of their daughters. “[My husband], Ken, had written my name on its glass shelf, and she treasures that,” Givens says.

On the other hand, you might be disappointed when family members don’t want your things. The Setlows saved items for their children, but “they didn’t want them,” Andy Setlow says, leaving the couple with additional decisions.

The next step usually is selling things, either by yourself or through a professional. Smaller items of furniture, dishes, tools, and odds and ends often can be sold through yard or garage sales.

Some people find it painful to see strangers handling their things and haggling over them. Others, however, enjoy meeting the individuals who are “adopting” their belongings.

Many people also find genuine reward in donating things they no longer need to libraries, schools, museums, churches, or other charities. (Intuit markets a handy software program that keeps track of charitable contributions of both cash and items, providing IRS-accepted values for everything from power tools to piccolos.)

Throwing things away can be the hardest of all. In fact, Ekerdt notes, some people give things to their children, knowing full well they’ll be discarded.

“That is so true,” says Michele McCormick of Folsom, Calif., wife of Col. Don McCormick, USA-Ret. “My mother just spent $15 to mail me a box of stuff with a note that actually said, ‘You probably don’t want all this, but I just can’t bring myself to throw it away.’ ”

“Lightening your load is freeing,” says Cheryl Perlitz. She began researching the emotional effect of life changes after she lost her Navy husband, Tom. She surveyed about 1,000 people who lived to be 100. “By far the most common trait was their ability to go through change with an optimistic attitude,” she says.

Perlitz admits that moving is a difficult threshold to cross. “For a while you are between two doors — the door that was and the one that will be. There’s a tendency to look over your shoulder,” she says. “But you can choose to be optimistic and find a whole world of possibility.